you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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