My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
