I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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