sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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