why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is the high leading the old right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
