dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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