so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
