Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
