my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
