Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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