Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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