Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
