Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
