i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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