A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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