i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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