So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
