my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
