Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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