im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
