did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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