And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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