Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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