My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
