he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
