we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
