He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
