my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
