I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
