with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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