drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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