K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize