Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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