So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
