it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
