And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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