hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
