I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
