It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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