you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
