I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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