My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Who died my cat blue again?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
