its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
