Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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