Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will be naked everywhere
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize