I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
