I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize