Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
