I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
