maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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