i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
