and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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