I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
