did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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