My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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