just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you inspire me to be a worse person
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't deserve a penis
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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