Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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