I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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