yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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