Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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