Christians are straight up FREAKS
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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