took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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