hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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