Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
