so that wasnt chicken after all
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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