cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
