when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Found your dick twin last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
