another moral hangover. fuck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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