you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
