After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
