I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
