considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
