I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You took a bar mat shot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
