He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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