We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
