bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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