Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize