I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
