you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
did you just send me my own nude
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize