I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
