You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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