I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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