i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So many bounce houses so little time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh god it's open bar.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
