Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
