please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
