He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
