OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
