i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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