3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
