I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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