woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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