There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize