Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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