Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
