we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
