theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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