I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
