you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
