His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize