i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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