Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
