Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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