Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
